WHAT IN BLAZES?

I'm not exactly sure how we got here...probably had something to do with all that alcohol we ingested. It's been fun, though--right? No? Oh. Well, my memory gets a little hazy as well. It's not all my fault! It takes two people to take off clothes, y'know. And to have the sex. Yeah, actually, it takes two people to have sex. Or more. It's usually more fun when it's more. But, yeah, one person is all that is really needed when you're in the undressing stage--you're right. But, yeah, this does not improve our predicament. Well, truth be told, I'm not really in a predicament. From what I remember, I had fun last night! You should have, too. I don't know why you're all up in arms over this. Okay, I get it, this is your first one-night stand. But so what?! Welcome to the first of what I hope is many. Oh. You don't want many? How come? Really? I don't think it's that slutty. Shiiit, I've quite honestly lost track of how many times I've woken up in a stranger's bed, or had a stranger wake up in my bed. I usually prefer the later; the walk of shame isn't all what it's cracked up to be. Oh. It's not cracked up to be anything? That's weird. But everyone knows what that walk is. And if everyone knows, that means everyone has done it. And if everyone has done it, it's, like, y'know, a universal human event or some shit. Oh. You didn't want to experience that event? Actually, just to back up for a second, I actually prefer waking up in a stranger's bed, 'cause then you could just sneak out in the morning and not deal with any unpleasant awkwardness...no, I was not referring to this pleasant exchange of pleasantries. Yes, I am having a good time! We should do breakfast! I love bacon. Man, do you have bacon? No? Oh. Well, I could go to the store and grab some! Really? I don't believe you. There has to be some convenient store around here. Wait--where is here, exactly? Wicked! That's only a few subway stops from where I live! That's awesome! We could do this again! Oh. You don't want to do this again? I don't understand why. I remember performing quite well last night, if I may say so myself. Just because you can't remember it doesn't mean it wasn't good! That was totally alcohol induced. Well, if you want--and I don't offer this often--I can have sex with you again right now so you can remember it. Oh. Really? Oh. Really?! Okay. I guess if that's what you want...I just thought we were getting along so well. And I got all excited when I found out we lived to so close together! Okay, okay, fine, I'll leave. I just need to collect my things.

Okay then. I'll see you around? No? Wait, you think we're never going to run in to each other on the street? We live so close! Oh. Okay. Yeah.