300 LOSERS vs SAM RAIMI

I'll admit right here and now that I didn't enjoy 300. I found it lengthy and boring, and actually fell asleep in the theatre. (I awoke to find a severed head flying through the air, and then fell back asleep promptly as soon as the flying head became a rolling head.) I'm all for blood, violence, sex and nudity in my movies, but 300 wasn't able to combine these elements successfully into a saucy bloody sexy romp, and instead it was just a lot scantly clad Spartans conversing with each other with laughable dialogue* (one Spartan wished that he could've told his son he loved him before the son was beheaded and blah blah blah). The talking usually died down here and there for the stylised fight scenes to help further the plot. The movie played its cards right, however, with quotable movie lines--THIS. IS. SPARTAAAAAA!!! comes to mind immediately, but, really, that's the only thing that I can really remember from the movie. That's kind of sad seeing as it's a movie about an army of 300 buff Spartans flexing their sprayed-on abs going up against Xerxes's ginormous army.

If only Sam Raimi had a part in this...Oh, wait:



This right here is trailer for an upcoming series on Starz, called Spartacus: Blood and Sand. Here's the synopsis lifted from the series' website:

Betrayed by his country. Beaten into slavery. Reborn as a warrior. "Spartacus: Blood and Sand" is a graphic and visceral account of Rome’s most famous gladiator. When he’s separated from the love of his life, Spartacus is forced into the gruesome and bloodthirsty arena, where a grisly death is primetime entertainment. Spartacus must fight for survival, befriend his enemies and play politics in this new world of corruption, violence, sex and fame. He’ll be seduced by power and tormented by vengeance. But his passion will give him the strength to prevail over every obstacle, in this modern and uninhibited tale of death, honor and endurance.

Graphic and visceral is pretty spot on from the looks of the trailer. Sam Raimi is my hero when it comes to awesome violence (see: the gumming of Alison Lohman by a gypsy in Drag me to Hell and the tree rape from The Evil Dead), and it looks like he went all out for this upcoming series. And if the copious amounts of blood and violence aren't enough, the trailer showcases a lot sex and nudity. And if that isn't enough, there are reports that the series will have a nude Lucy Lawless to boot. Who could ask for more?

*I'm all for cheesy dialogue for campy movies, but this movie took itself pretty seriously.

INTERNSHITS

I really don't understand the point of working for free, yet there are a ton of people who are more than willing to do so. They're doing it for the experience--or so I'm told--in order to get their foot into whatever career they so desire. I've heard of people working for beer, but that's more understandable; it's something tangible. This so-called 'experience' is just another bullshit bullet point for someone's resume, which, I guess, makes them more desirable to a future employer because they're letting them know that they'll work for nothing if the need be.

I have gotten myself into a lot of debt already by obtaining a 'higher education,' and now I'm expected to work for free because I can buff up my resume with the experience? I can't afford that! I assume these people have trust funds or bank accounts with lots of money or what have you in order to survive the perils of working for free. I find it kind of odd that slaves (or unpaid interns) used to come from what was considered the lower echelon of society, but now it's the 'upper echelon of society' that's taking advantage of these supposed prestigious positions.

JOBLESS IN (A CITY TWO HOURS FROM) SEATTLE

My last post is over two months old. What do I have to show for myself since that pathetic little entry? NOTHING. I have removed myself from Asia, and have settled--albeit temporarily--in a shitty suburb outside of Vancouver. I'm trying to get myself over to Toronto where I will undoubtedly feel more self-worth, but, as it stands, no one wants to hire a loser. I'm not going to blame myself, however; I'm going to blame the loser.

I comfort myself with the excessive use of mayonnaise in my food. I don't know what it is about the creamy white condimate that comforts me...maybe it's because mayonnaise is the loser amongst its condiment friends. Think about it: mayonnaise doesn't stand out on its own. Ketchup, mustard, relish--all have distinguishable flavours. And when they're added to a mixture of other foods and flavours, they stand out and make their presence known. What does mayonnaise do? Nothing. It assimilates all other flavours, carefully tiptoeing around my taste buds to make sure it reaches the back of the mouth undetected, untasted, unnoticed.