SPARTACUS: LOSERS AND FAILURES

I was kind of looking forward to Spartacus: Blood and Sand not just because Sam Raimi was producing, but because it also promised to be better than 300...At least that was what I got out of the trailer and synopsis for the show. When I first started the episode, I was expecting a lot of awesome violence, gratuitous sex and a nude Lucy Lawless.

I got anything but. The show had a weird stylized gore about it--it looked like a mixture of sloppy anime and unrealistic CGI. And the sex, although borderline gratuitous, lacked...I dunno, substance, or passion. The sex was actually kind of boring, which is the last word you would want to describe fucking. No gritty, dirty, hot Roman sex, which is such a disappointment.

If the sex and violence had been done well, it might have made up for the atrocious acting, which was incredibly forced and awkward, and not at all menacing or gladiator-like.

Also, Lawless was no where to be found, in case you were wondering.

NEVER HAVE I EVER

He was shocked over the fact that I have never played Monopoly. I did not think it was that weird, but I let him play the game with me for the first time, anyway. He should have warned me how cut-throat it is. The blood will not come out of my jeans.

MISSED CONNECTIONS M4M

Even though I was sandwiched between two beefy men, our eyes met as you passed by me to venture into the sauna. I would have called you over to participate, but the ball-gag prevented me from doing so. E-mail me with what colour the ball-gag was and we can hopefully start something special!

OOPS

No, you have it all wrong. I was not trying to get into her pants. I was just trying to pee on her for stealing my drugs.

UNTITLED

"It was never meant to be." Pain erupted in my chest as he slowly released his grip, sliding off me like some oily substance. I fell to the ground, paralysed from the fatal blow. After taking one last look into my eyes, he turned on his heal and walked into the shadows, never to emerge again. I could feel the blood draining from my body, reaching out and exploring its new found freedom on the cold cement. My eyes grew heavy. I saw the first hint of a new day creep in through the tall, lifeless buildings that hung over me. I panicked suddenly, not knowing how I should lay dying. Was I in a dignified position? Should I die with my eyes closed? I didn't know.

I think you just hate having a good time!

HONESTY

Face it: you are not nearly as attractive as you think you are. Also, your fashion profile would benefit from new shoes.

KARMA SUTRA

Are you sure that goes in there? Should we not get a manual? Oh, well, there should be a manual for copulating.

IN LOVE

I have never seen anyone eat the way you do.

HONESTLY

I was not trying to be mean! I was just letting you know your breath smells really badly and I did not care to be around it. Your nose would have done the same thing.

How does one figure out how water works? What is water?

ANCIENT

I really miss the BLINK tag. Someone told me GeoCities.com closed its internet doors. The internet is changing!!

It is bad news when a colon and the left parenthesis hang out.

That was actually a colon and the right parenthesis standing next to one another. They hang out sometimes.

I like your face :)

CONVERSATION ERROR

I do not think that means what you think it means.

MY BAD

Typing with your fingers not on home row can make it confusing for everyone involved.

EXCUSEZ-MOI

You will have to pardon my Francois; he has not been himself lately.

So that is where that went.

HONEST

I swear to you that I am not a one-trick pony. I am just a horse awaiting another idea.

YOUR UNDERWEAR IS CUTE

Booze is like the best thing to give to someone in hopes of getting sexual intercourse on their mind.

FORGOTTEN

Replying to four-year-old Facebook messages that originally went unanswered must be weird for both parties involved.

REALLY

This is really an exercise in restraint.

STEAL THIS TEXT/TWEET/BLOG ENTRY.

I just got into this band. Do you know them?

SHOE STARING

I have not seen you around here before. Are you new? Can we be friends?

WE INTERUPT THIS MESSAGE

Is that even possible? I wonder about the validity of your argument.
Is that even possible? I wonder about the validity of your argument.
Is that even possible? I wonder about the validity of your argument.

This has been a test.
This has been a ‘test.’
This has been a test.

COME ON!

This is not Sparta! Stop calling it that.

CENSORED!

Oh, Sh*t!

Hah! You have no idea what that word is. It was censored. That crafty little asterisk is hiding the profanity! But I will tell you what it was! It is the word shit.

REMEMBER WHEN?!

I feel like I have forgotten how to write substantial things.

TO DO:

I am going to put on a pant.

HEY!

I remember you! It sure has been awhile. You never did return my book…can I have it back now?

1

Do not get me wrong; I understand what you are saying. I am just trying to figure out how we ended up here.