300 LOSERS vs SAM RAIMI

I'll admit right here and now that I didn't enjoy 300. I found it lengthy and boring, and actually fell asleep in the theatre. (I awoke to find a severed head flying through the air, and then fell back asleep promptly as soon as the flying head became a rolling head.) I'm all for blood, violence, sex and nudity in my movies, but 300 wasn't able to combine these elements successfully into a saucy bloody sexy romp, and instead it was just a lot scantly clad Spartans conversing with each other with laughable dialogue* (one Spartan wished that he could've told his son he loved him before the son was beheaded and blah blah blah). The talking usually died down here and there for the stylised fight scenes to help further the plot. The movie played its cards right, however, with quotable movie lines--THIS. IS. SPARTAAAAAA!!! comes to mind immediately, but, really, that's the only thing that I can really remember from the movie. That's kind of sad seeing as it's a movie about an army of 300 buff Spartans flexing their sprayed-on abs going up against Xerxes's ginormous army.

If only Sam Raimi had a part in this...Oh, wait:



This right here is trailer for an upcoming series on Starz, called Spartacus: Blood and Sand. Here's the synopsis lifted from the series' website:

Betrayed by his country. Beaten into slavery. Reborn as a warrior. "Spartacus: Blood and Sand" is a graphic and visceral account of Rome’s most famous gladiator. When he’s separated from the love of his life, Spartacus is forced into the gruesome and bloodthirsty arena, where a grisly death is primetime entertainment. Spartacus must fight for survival, befriend his enemies and play politics in this new world of corruption, violence, sex and fame. He’ll be seduced by power and tormented by vengeance. But his passion will give him the strength to prevail over every obstacle, in this modern and uninhibited tale of death, honor and endurance.

Graphic and visceral is pretty spot on from the looks of the trailer. Sam Raimi is my hero when it comes to awesome violence (see: the gumming of Alison Lohman by a gypsy in Drag me to Hell and the tree rape from The Evil Dead), and it looks like he went all out for this upcoming series. And if the copious amounts of blood and violence aren't enough, the trailer showcases a lot sex and nudity. And if that isn't enough, there are reports that the series will have a nude Lucy Lawless to boot. Who could ask for more?

*I'm all for cheesy dialogue for campy movies, but this movie took itself pretty seriously.